Makeover from my ten-year-old

My daughter and I had a beauty day. She wanted to dye her hair tips purple, and play makeup.

When it was her turn to paint my face, the results were, shall we say, interesting. It's definitely an avant-garde approach to beauty.

She brought her makeup kit out, the kind that's an all-encompassing sample of choices. Olivia stared at the palette of two dozen eye shadows and wondered aloud which of the pretty colors to start with first.

That, in retrospect, was my first red flag- that the makeup artist wants to pick colors on the basis of their own merit, and not because they go well with the subject's skin tone. "I like bright blue," she finally determined.

"Now, what do I put it on with? Is this the eye shadow applicator?" she asked. It was one of those sad spongy inclusions that come with the drugstore brands. I tried to offer her my Merle Norman shadow brush, but she insisted on using her stuff.

Olivia has a very different style of application. I saw her grinding the power down with the tip of the plastic sponge applicator as if it were acrylic paint, until it was caked on in a thick layer at the tip.

"Um, usually people just dab it gently while holding it sideways," I suggested. I thought it was a pretty decent hint, but I was ignored.

So several colors of blue went on the left eyelid, and a few different colors went on the other lid. I knew I was going to come out of this giving the 70s a run for its money.

"Oh, and this sparkly gold. I want it to glitter," exclaimed the makeup artist excitedly. Sparkle gold went on just the right eyelid. Symmetry is overrated!

I was then instructed to keep sitting still while she moved to the cheekbones. I could feel the sponge wedge, which had been dipped into creme blush, moving down to my jawbone on the left side.

Aah, the oft-neglected mandible area that most forget when putting blush on. She was precise in swiping the bright pink all the way down the entire cheek surface to the length of the entire jaw - from ear to chin. She is nothing if not thorough!

But then! Olivia took an asymmetrical approach to the blush, by coloring an entirely different area on the other cheek, from the "apple" of the cheek back to the ear and temple.

Incredible! Edgy! I think it's a new fall look the beauty industry is debuting early!

Then for the lips. Makeup Artist consulted Mommy first on which of these color pans is lipstick, then jammed the tiny lip brush in and twirled it around.

I was just about to say, "Maybe you want to go easy on that lip color," but I was cut off mid-sentence by a brush on my still-moving lips, which meant the brush jerked above the lip line. In keeping with the emerging Cubism trend, this was left as is. So very Chagall!

I understand now that Olivia's artistic influences are Pablo Picasso and Jackson Pollock. I get it! She was making art using my face as the canvas.

"OK, open your eyes," Olivia commanded when she was done not-painting-by-numbers on my eyelids. She immediately burst into giggles.

"You look stupid! Ha ha ha ha! I'm so bad at this!" Olivia proclaimed, handing me a hand mirror, then doubling over at my reaction.

It's very confidence-inspiring to hear that from the one who's supposed to make you look pretty. I'm sure it's just reverse psychology mean to strengthen my self-image.

"You should go on the news like that!" my daughter said. "You look great!" I think she was using sarcasm.

So that was an experience! If any salons out there have an opening for a makeup artist, I know someone who would love to apply.

The makeup palette.jpg